Heavy On My Mind

Heavy On My Mind

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

I’m drunk again and it’s heavy on my mind

It’s 2 AM and I just follow the neon lights

These smoky rooms are making my eyes leak

It’s not thoughts of failing in my job

I wanted things to be different

I tried to make them happen

The job of loving you

It’s heavy on my mind

Turn it off and get on with life

Try to figure out how to explain things

How to explain to my friends

Explain to my family

Another job failed

Figure out what the hell went wrong

Why I keep failing is heavy on my mind

Loving again is heavy on my mind

Loving someone as much as I loved you

That love was a river

Wondering what is wrong with me

Following these neon signs

It’s 2 PM and I’m drunk again

Turning 50 and still hanging out is not what I want

I want a family

These situations that don’t go anywhere are heavy on my mind

It must stop

I wish you would have went there with me,

But you didn’t want to

Things got too messy

They do that sometimes

Things get fucked up

Falling for you is heavy on my mind

I have a bad case of you

It’s giving me an ulcer

It’s killing my soul

It’s heavy on my mind that all I wanted was you

I didn’t want this lonely road I’m traveling

Looking for something,

But I don’t know what it could be

I don’t hate you when I forget about me

It takes a lot of drinking to get to that point

So I take a drink to remember you

Then I take a drink to forget me

I make them strong

This broken heart is heavy on my mind

Another drink and I’ll move on

Keep following these neon signs

Looking for smoke filled rooms to hide these tears

Wanting to talk to you

Our life was my cause

It was a hopeless one

Other people’s expectations

Other people’s hopes and dreams

It’s oh-kay to disappoint people sometimes

It’s oh-kay to be disappointed

Your kisses are heavy on my mind

I wonder if you see how you hurt me

It was hard to get me to open my heart

The first time I really did it

It’ll be harder to do in the future

If you could be honest with me I might not feel so crazy

That feeling of being cut off from you is heavy on my mind

Talks about whose fault it is

I just wanted to be appreciated for what I did

Always being told what I’m not doing

The most painful way to hurt someone

Loving you is heavy on my mind

Sitting in this smoke filled room at 3 AM

Wondering what you wanted from me

I tried to do everything you wanted of me

I’ve tried to apologize

I’ve expressed my regret

Everything between us was just bullshit

There was no love

You can’t hurt me anymore

I have vouchers for my trip to Hell

I have the T-shirt too

My credibility isn’t what it used to be

This trail of broken bottles leading from bar to bar

Just follow the neon glow

Hoping we can see each other again is heavy on my mind

Wondering how I could love someone soo unbelievably much

Wondering if you felt it at least some of the time

There are still ghosts in all these rooms

No matter where I go you haunt me

It’s heavy on my mind you won’t be there to put wildflowers on my grave

The one I adore

Dreams of you while I wonder the streets looking for a neon sign

This living nightmare of trying to drink myself away

The bittersweet dream of wanting your hand in mine in the morning

It’s heavy on my mind

These shots of pain I take to fill my heart up again

I got a pounding in my brain

I can’t drink myself away

It’s heavy on my mind