Who you are

Who are you?
Do you know?
Do you know who you are to me?
Do you know what you are to me?
You're slightly neurotic
And I love you
You're impulsive to a fault
And I love you
You're passionate beyond what I've ever known
And I love you
You're a hair triggered bomb of a temper
And I love you
You're completely and totally lovable
And I do
You're the cliche drug
I'm the cliche addict
You're perfect in a fucked up way
And I love you
You're habit I can't break
There are no Patches
There's not a Gum or Group
There are not any 12 Step Programs
That can get me off this high
And I love you
That's the high
And I love you

Remains to be Seen

Remains to be Seen

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

I hate you

I love you

I loathe you

I need you

I despise you

I want you

Make up your mind

You can’t have your cake and eat it too

At least, that’s what they say

Or can you?

Can you make these contradicting feelings work?

Can you use the bitter

To make the sweet sweeter?

Can the pain of one

Make the other more pleasurable?

Is that the way it’s supposed to work?

Is life one continuous contradiction?

I hope not

I don’t want to hate you

I don’t want to loathe you

I don’t want to despise you

I want to love you

I want to hold you

I want to touch you

I want to feel you

I want to smell you

I want to taste you

I want to hear you

Can you want the same things of me?

Can we dispense with the bitter

And just enjoy the sweet?

That remains to be seen

Actions of Love

Actions of Love

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

Your feelings for me

Are fleeting, fading

You say you love me

You say you miss me

You say you want me back

But only when you’re lonely

It only lasts until the next time

When you sing your heartache

To some stranger in a crowd

Who talks pretty

And buys you a drink

Who, for the blink of an eye

Gives you the illusion of a connection

Then the reality sets in

Like an anvil

Then you have me on the line again

Reeling me in

My actions are all for love

I give you my shoulder to cry on

I give you my ear to cry to

Even though I know it will be short lived

It will only last

Until that next heartfelt performance

To a room full of strangers

My actions are all for love

What are yours for?

(Untitled)

(Untitled)

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

There are minutes, sometimes hours

Everyday of the week

In the months since we ended

Where I remember you and me

And we could do anything, baby

I said I love you

And I meant it

I said forever

And I meant it

I promised you 51 years

And I meant it

Now I watch you from afar

As you try and find a better version of me

Instead of giving me a chance

To be a better version of myself

I said I love you

And I meant it

I said forever

And I meant it

I promised you 51 years

And I meant it

I'm not looking for a better version of you

I'm not looking for someone like you

I'm looking for you

You're all I wanted and needed

I said I love you

And I meant it

I said forever

And I meant it

I promised you 51 years

And I meant it

I didn't do all the right things

To show you I loved you

And that it would be forever

But I do and it will

And I meant

Don't Forget the Wine

Don’t Forget the Wine

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

Russ caught a glimpse of the bottle of wine hurdling towards his head just in time to duck.  He didn’t see the Martini Shaker that followed it however and acquired a nice cut and knot above his left eye.

“AHH!  What the fuck!?” he yelled.

“You cheating bastard!” Mary yelled back at him as she reached for another bottle of wine to throw.

“What are you talking about, Mary?”

“Who the fuck is Amy?” she asked as she hurled the bottle at him.

“I don’t know.  Who is she?”  he screams back at her as he ducks the bottle and starts to side step around the dining room table to get close enough to Mary to restrain her from throwing anymore wine.

“You know who she is.  You bought her flowers” Mary bellows at him as she backsteps into kitchen.

“I think you might be talking about Amy Russell.  She is a friend of my family from way back.  Her mother just passed away.  I sent her flowers from both of us with our condolences.”  By the time he finished this sentence, he is around the table and heading into the kitchen behind Mary.

Mary had grabbed a knife after she entered the kitchen and was waiting for Russ when he came in.

“Whoa.  What are you going to do with that?” asked Russ.

“I’m going to stab you, you cheating motherfucker” she replied.

“I told you.  I didn’t cheat on you, so why don’t you put that down?”

“I don’t believe you.  I think you’ve been cheating on me.”

“I haven’t been cheating on you,” he says as he starts creeping forward towards Mary, not believing she will actually stab him.

“I know you’ve been cheating on me,’ she says.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would I cheat on you?”

“I don’t know why you’re cheating on me. Why are you cheating on me?”

Russ had crept to within arms length of Mary by now and makes a lunge for her and the knife. This did not work out the way he had pictured it in his head before he attempted it. Instead of some smooth Jason Bourne style disarming move, it turned into some ugly, bloody dance backwards through the sliding glass doors onto the back patio.

The crash and yelling and grunting got the attention of Mike and Linda, the neighbors, who were in the process of lighting the grill for some BBQ. They come running across the yard to find Russ and Mary covered in glass and blood in a heap on the back patio. They quickly call 911 and start trying to find out what happen.

It didn’t take long for Mike to get Russ up and around and into the house and start assessing the damage.

Russ had a good size knot and cut that would need a couple of stitches on his forehead from the Martini Shaker and from the knife fight/window breaking dance he had a pretty good cut on his side that would probably need stitches and had been stabbed in the left thigh. Pulling the knife out was a source of some amusement to Mike. He also had what appeared to be 2 or 3 broken fingers on his right hand plus several other minor cuts and scrapes from crashing through the window onto the patio.

While he was trying to clean Russ up a bit while waiting for the Ambulance he asked Russ what caused it. Russ replied, “She thinks I’m cheating on her.”

Mike asked if he was and he says, “No. I would never cheat on her.”

“Then what is going on between you two?”

“I don’t know, Mike. I don’t think she loves me anymore. I can’t remember the last time she said it to me. I don’t think I make her happy anymore. I think she’s looking for a reason to end it. Our life plan hasn’t worked out exactly the way we had planned. We had planned on having our second child right about now and we haven’t even had our first.”

“Look, Russ, you two need to talk to each other about this stuff and figure it out before it’s too late to start over with someone else and still have a family if you aren’t going to stay together.”

“I know, Mike. I know. I think it may already be too late for me to start over with someone else. If I can’t make it work with Mary then I’m done with trying to make a family.”

“It’s never too late, Russ.”

While Mike was getting Russ cleaned up and giving him advice inside, Linda was trying to get Mary to wake up, Mary had taken a pretty good knock on the head when it bounced off the patio, and get her cleaned up and find out her side of the story. Mary came out of the whole thing pretty good, except for the possible Concussion and some cuts and scrapes from the glass.

“Mary, what is going on? What happened? “

“I don’t know, Linda. I don’t know.”

“You and Russ just fell through the window and he got stabbed in the leg by accident?”

“No. We were fighting. I accused him of cheating on me.”

“Why would you do that Mary? Why do you think he’s cheating on you?”

“Because he doesn’t tell me he loves me anymore. He hasn’t said it in so long.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”

“I don’t think he’s happy with me anymore.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be happy with you if you were accusing me of cheating and trying to stab me either.”

“True. Very true.”

“You need to talk to him about this like an adult and not act like a teenager.”

“I know.”

When the Ambulance arrived, the EMT’s loaded up Mary and took her to the hospital to see if she had any serious damage to her head after the knock it took and left Russ with Mike and Linda who said they would drive him. They had both stopped bleeding by now, mostly.

The hospital decided to keep Mary overnight for observation. After some stitches and shots for pain and having three fingers splinted, they let Russ go.

Russ got home and started cleaning up the mess they made with some help from Mike and Linda and by the red morning light they had the broken window boarded up and all the blood and glass was gone.

All three of them called into their respective jobs and Linda headed back to the hospital to wait for them to release Mary.

Russ was exhausted but he couldn’t sleep. Instead he laid in bed and thought about what was going on with him and Mary and tried to figure out when things had started going south. Trying to remember the last time he had heard ‘I love you’ from Mary. He really couldn’t figure out how long it had been. The more he thought about it, the more he started to realize something else though. He started to realize that there were a lot of things he couldn’t remember or put into proper order on a timeline.  Unfortunately, before he could get this train of thought all the way to its conclusion, he fell asleep.

Despite the drugs and weary feeling, sleep did not come very easily for Mary either. As she was laying in her little hospital bed, in her little hospital gown, she was thinking the same things as Russ. Putting together the same dots, sort of. She suffered the same fate though, as she also succumbed to sleep before she could connect all the dots.

When Russ woke up, it was 6:54 PM and that meant he had slept all day, almost 12 hours. He rolled over towards Mary’s side of the bed, very gingerly since he felt like a train had hit him, and it was obvious she had been in bed but wasn’t there now. He slowly sat up and started the long process of getting out of bed. After he had finally gotten up and showered and dressed, which seemed to take forever, he checked the house for Mary. She wasn’t in the house but she had been there and it didn’t look like she had packed anything, which meant she hadn’t left him.

He realized he was starving and made a sandwich and went out on the back patio to eat. When he slid the door open he saw Mary sitting on the back patio. He hadn’t checked that during his search and kind of felt dumb for not doing so.

“Well, hello” he says to Mary.

“Hi” is all she says back.

“Umm. How do you feel? How’s your head? What time did Linda drop you off?”

“I feel like shit. My head hurts. It was around noon when she dropped me off. How are you? You look like you’re in a lot of pain.”

“I am in a lot of pain, even with the pain meds but, when you try and catch a Martini Shaker with your head and take a knife to the thigh and go crashing through a sliding glass door and have two people land on three of your ten fingers, then pain is going to be the outcome.”

“Don’t be an ass. I know what happened to you. I’m sorry. I really am very sorry for what happened.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be an ass. I’m very sorry about it as well.”

“Now what do we do?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to do, Mary?”

“Well, Russ. I think we need to re-evaluate our lives and if we want to stay together and married and moving in the direction we are moving.”

“I agree with the re-evaluating and I want to stay together and married. I don’t want anybody else and never have since I fell for you. The direction we are moving in seems a little too destructive. Can we maybe change that?”

“If you want to stay married, we have to. Russ, I think I know what one of the problems is.”

“Really? I think I might have an idea or two as well. What do you have as a reason?”

“I think we drink too much and work too much and are trying too hard to make other people happy. Instead of focusing on each other, we are focusing on other things.”

“Wow. That’s almost exactly what I was going to say. I think we are comparing ourselves and where we are to our friends and family and it’s making us lose that focus on each other.”

“I agree. I don’t want to fight anymore. Russ, I’m still soo in love with you and want to be happy with you again.” As Mary said this she got up and moved over to Russ’s chair and slowly and gingerly, so she wouldn’t hurt, sat down in his lap and kissed him.

“Mary, I love you more than anything or anyone in my life. I want to watch you grow old.”

Despite their wounds, they had a passionate night of love making that started on the patio and moved indoors.

This is not where the story ends, however. This would be a good spot to end it so that it has a Happy Ending. The rest of the story is not happy though. It does have happiness in it but it does not end happily.

A few months down the road, Russ started feeling bad and couldn’t seem to get enough sleep. Mary took him to see a Doctor and he was diagnosed with Hyper Acute Liver Failure. A schedule was made for treatment and they set about fixing the 20 or so years of Alcohol and Drug abuse that Russ had been enjoying.

It was too late though and before they could right the wrongs, Russ fell into a coma and never came out of it.

After his death, Mary fell into a very deep depression. She started drinking again, even more heavily than before. Then one night, on her way home from a local vineyard they had visited regularly, she died in a car crash.

They say that she wasn’t speeding but she lost control of her car somehow at the only spot on the road to and from the Vineyard where you could die in a car crash.

Some say she did it on purpose and it was suicide. I don’t think so. I think she just simply lost control at the worst possible time and spot. Bad luck. We’ll never know.

Elephant

Elephant

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

The Elephant in the room

Are these feelings I have for you

You told me once

To keep them to myself

Why would I do that?

Why would I stop being me?

Why would I stop shouting from the rooftops

How I feel about you?

Just because you have a new man

It doesn’t mean my feelings will change

Just because you call me names

It doesn’t mean my feelings will change

Elephants have thick skin

Calling me names doesn’t hurt

Elephants have long memories

I remember the things you said

In the first moments

Of our love being born

I wear this Elephant around my neck

I wear it with pride

It fits me well

The Elephant in the room

Are these feelings I have for you

Elephants can live to be 80

These feelings will live that long

The Elephant in the room

Are these feelings I have for you

Perseverance

Perseverance

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

Are you ready? Are you sure you’re ready? Well then, my name is Clay and I’m going to tell you a story. I should probably tell you a little bit about myself first so you know how I fit into the story. I play guitar in a couple of bands and they are both signed to Tom Collins Records. The story is about Tom Collins who was and still is one of my best friends. That’s really enough so that I can start the story.

The story starts on New Years Eve 1978. Well, maybe it was New Years Day 1979. It doesn’t matter. It was at a party back then when Thomas James Collins met Cherie Nicole Bastura. Thomas was a History professor at Southwest Missouri State University and was born in 1950 in Granby, MO. He was the middle child of three and worked hard growing up and had his life somewhat planned out at an early age. When he graduated from East Newton High School in Granby, he went straight to Southwest Missouri State College on an Athletic Scholarship for Basketball. After graduating from SMSC he was then hired on at SMSU.

Cherie was born in 1955 in Springfield, MO and had a love of books her whole life and after High School she enrolled at SMSU and received a Degree in World Literature and after graduation was hired on as a Librarian at SMSU.

It was Cherie’s second year with the University, but it was the first voluntary work function she had attended. This was very fortunate because it was at this party that she met Thomas, at the end of 1978 and the beginning of 1979. Cherie and Thomas started off the New Year in the backseat of his car.

The only thing that was rushed was that first encounter. They continued to live separately during the pregnancy. They were blessed with a healthy baby boy and decided that one child was enough. They had a child to carry on the family name and they had it on the first try.

They lived separately until Thomas Douglas Collins was nearly 1 year old. It was obvious to all that they were together during this time. From that first encounter until their death, the only time they were apart was when they worked and when they slept until they got a place together in the summer of 1980.

Like I said before, Thomas was a planner. The only surprise in his life was that first night with Cherie. He was planning the rest of their from that point on. When Thomas had started working at the college he had started putting money aside in three separate accounts, one for each child if he had three.

During the pregnancy it was decided that if it were a boy then they would be happy with just one child and if it were a girl then they would try again. Since it was a boy, Thomas consolidated the three accounts into one. He deposited money into it out of every paycheck and Cherie did the same.

Tom’s childhood, for lack of a better word, was perfect. His parents were just hard enough on him to keep him focused and out of serious trouble and they were just soft enough to allow him to experience life and get some scars.

Tom excelled in school and was ranked #5 when he graduated. He wasn’t a slouch at sports either, but it was his Academic achievements that got him a Scholarship to the University of Tulsa. He graduated with a Degree in International Business and Language.

It was right after he moved to Tulsa that we met. I was playing Jazz on Sunday nights at a coffee shop and he was always there. During smoke breaks out in front of the shop we got to talking and that’s how our friendship started.

It was a month after graduation when he got the phone call that his parents had been killed in an accident. They had been at a party and drank a little too much. Instead of calling a cab they had tried to drive home. They didn’t make it.

After the funeral he got a phone call from the family Lawyer and was told about the money. He wasn’t as excited about it as you would think. In fact, he never even said how much it was, but he paid off his student loans and started Tom Collins Records with it and never seemed to be broke.

Through out his college career he seemed to always have a girlfriend and when he would go on the road with my band on breaks from school he would always find a local girl.

He never seemed to keep one for more than a few months though and some how always stayed friends with them afterwards. Occasionally he would date one again a year or so down the road, but usually they would just become friends.

There are things that you do in a relationship that Tom never did, like meeting the parents or planning little weekend road trips or meeting brothers and sisters. Tom managed to avoid these things.

Then in 2006 we were playing a show and a woman walked in that made every man stop and look. She was 6 foot tall in heels with a strapless knee length Grey dress and a matching Newsboy hat on. She had short brown hair and Brown eyes that melted anything they looked at. She had Dark Olive Brown skin and she walked up to the bar next Tom and that was it. Tom never skipped a beat and had no trouble starting a conversation with her.

They never moved from their spot at the bar until after closing time. Her name was Alicia and she was in town visiting family during summer break from school at KU in Lawrence, KS.

During the first month, Tom had met her entire family and had started to go to church with her on Sundays. It was obvious to us that he had falling for this girl and he had falling very hard.

During month number two, Alicia announced that she had decided to not go back to KU and instead was going to fly to Spain and backpack across Europe. Tom immediately started planning the trip and all seemed well. They were going to go together and would buy one-way tickets there and take their time and then buy a return ticket when they were ready to come back.

During month number three, things started to change. Alicia started acting differently. She started excluding Tom from things that he had been a part of since that first night.

Tom did not take this well. Tom had always been a bit of a drinker and after his parents accident he really started drinking, but since he had started dating Alicia he had cut back. This was because of all the family things they did. He wanted to make good impression on mom and dad and the rest of the family. Now he was starting to drink heavily again.

Finally the big day arrived and since they hadn’t cancelled the trip, Tom was still under the impression that they were going together. Alicia had never said that they weren’t and never stopped acting like they were together. She had just started spending less time with Tom than she had during those first two months.

They planned to get together for lunch the day before they were supposed to leave to iron out the final preparations for the trip. Tom had made reservations at Tucci’s, her favorite, and got there just before he was supposed to. After about an hour he got a text from her saying “I love you. I can’t go with you. I already left.”

We didn’t see Tom for about a week and we finally made a trip to his apartment and had the maintenance man let us in when we didn’t get a response. We found an empty apartment. All of his furniture was still there, but most of his clothes were gone.

A month passed and finally I got an e-mail from Tom saying he had flown to Spain and was trying to find Alicia. He said he was sorry for the disappearing act and would keep us posted.

Another month passed and then another and then he was on my doorstep. Looking haggard and rough. He said he kept finding her a day late and just couldn’t seem to catch up to her and then a couple of weeks before had lost the trail and decided to come back to try and find her here in America.

He sold the Record Label and devoted his energy into finding Alicia so he could find out what he did wrong.

We tried and tried to tell him that he probably had done nothing wrong, that his feelings were just stronger than hers. He didn’t buy this. He was convinced that he had done something wrong and he needed to know what it was.

After another three months had passed and he had made numerous visits to every place in The States that she had ever talked about, he still hadn’t found her. He started to settle down and kind of fall back into his old patterns.

He started getting into band management and tour management. He was on a trip to New York trying to secure a venue and had been invited to an Art Gallery Opening by a cousin who lived there.

He walks into the gallery and finds Alicia, with her arms around another man and an engagement ring on her finger. The opening is hers. It’s her art on the walls.

Tom just stood there looking at her from across the room and finally she comes walking over. She tries to give him a hug and he backs away, still just staring at her. She tries to hug him again and says how happy she is to see him.

He looks passed her to the man she was standing next to and then to the ring on her finger and then he looks her in the eyes and asks why. How could she say the things she said to him about connections and fate if she didn’t truly believe them? He asks her if she knows that he spent 6 months trying to find her to find out what he did wrong. He asks her how could she be engaged to some new guy and what he has that makes him soo special.

She just looks at the floor and says I’m sorry and you didn’t do anything wrong, Tom. The engagement was a surprise and he had just asked earlier in the night. She had to say yes to him.

Tom shakes his head and then looks at her and then looks at the new guy who has started walking over towards them. Tom looks at Alicia and then back at her fiancé, puts a smile on his face and as soon as her fiancé reaches out to shake his hand, Tom takes it shakes it like any normal person would. He says congrats on the engagement and good luck.

Tom turns around and walks out and calls a cab and goes to the airport. He buys a new return ticket to Tulsa. When he gets here, he calls me up and asks for a ride from the airport. He doesn’t say a word for the entire ride to his apartment. When we get there, he shakes my hand and says thanks for the ride. He gets out and walks away.

That was the last time I saw him except for the occasional e-mail.

About a month after Tom left there was a surprise visitor at the studio. I hadn’t seen Alicia in almost a year and she hadn’t really changed much except that she had cut her hair very short. She was wanting to know if Tom was around or if I had seen him. I told her about the last time I saw him and showed her the e-mails. She told me about the encounter in New York and said she needed to find him. She stayed for a couple of days and we did some digging on the interwebs and kind of got an idea of where he was and where he was heading based on things he had said and pictures in his e-mails.

Then on a Monday in May I gave her a ride to the airport and she headed off to find him. I’m not sure if they have found each other yet but I hope they do and I hope they come home. I miss my friend.

Perseverance (10 Minute Scene)

Clay – Well, hello.

Alicia – Hi.

Clay – What in blue perfect hell are you doing here?

Alicia – Looking for Tom.

Clay – Ha. Umm…he’s not here and hasn’t been for about a month.

Alicia – Do you know where he is?

Clay – Well, I think you got some explaining to do before I tell you that.

Alicia – Fair enough. Where would you like me to start?

Clay – Let’s start around a year ago, when you skipped town.

Alicia – I…I was scared. I was afraid and didn’t know what else to do.

Clay – Scared of what? Afraid of what?

Alicia – What do you think?

Clay – I don’t know. That’s why I asked.

Alicia – I was afraid of my feelings. The first time I met him in the bar. There was that feeling of some mythical connection. It felt like that mythical soul mate had been found.

Clay – So…it took you 3 months to realize this scared you?

Alicia – Ha. No and yes. At first, it was great. It felt good. I was looking to the future. I was loving every minute.

Clay – When and why did that change?

Alicia – When we started planning the Europe trip, I guess. I had been planning that trip before I ever met Tom. Once it became a “couples” thing, I started to freak.

Clay – You started planning a trip with Tom that you had already been planning for yourself and that’s when you started to freak?

Alicia – Yea. That’s why I ran. I thought that things would go back to normal for me if I did what I was planning to do be before Tom.

Clay – Did it work?

Alicia – Sort of. Out of sight, out of mind.

Clay – You know that he followed you?  He tried to find you. He was there for almost three months. After he had checked all the places you had planned on visiting, he backtracked and started hitting all the places you had talked about maybe hitting.

Alicia – I didn’t know that.

Clay – Yep. He almost caught up to you a few times. He’s never been the same.

Alicia – I didn’t know.

Clay – Well, now you know you how exquisitely you hurt my friend.

Alicia – I’m sorry. That’s why I want to find him.

Clay – To say you’re sorry? Why now? You’re getting married.

Alicia – No, I’m not.

Clay – You’re not? I was told you got engaged.

Alicia – I did, but I never intended to marry him.

Clay – Then why would you get engaged?

Alicia – Okay. His name is Jerod. We dated for a couple of months before I met Tom. Then he went overseas to fight in the war. After Europe, I moved in with my friend Shaunna and her boyfriend, Daniel, in New York. Daniel is a photographer and was trying to get a Gallery that would let him do a showing. He didn’t have enough of his own work for a full showing. So he asked me if we could combine our work so we would have enough for a full show.

Clay – What does this have to do with Jerod and you getting engaged or you putting my friends heart through a blender?

Alicia – I’m getting there.

Clay – Okay. Continue.

Alicia – Daniel and I do our show and a couple of my pieces sell. Jerod finds out about it through a mutual friend and made contact to congratulate me.

Clay – Ahh…So you two start talking again?

Alicia – Yes. The show was such a success that the gallery decided to have us each do individual shows.  It worked out that mine was going to be when Jerod was on leave. So he flies into New York for a couple of days at the end of his leave. I didn’t know he was going to ask me to marry him.

Clay – Unless you had giving him the impression you wanted to work things out and try again, why would he ask you to marry him?

Alicia – I don’t know. We had talked about it a little, but hadn’t made a decision.

Clay – So he comes to town and asks you to marry him and you say yes?

Alicia – He asked me when we were at dinner the night of my opening. There was almost twenty people there.

Clay – So he put you on the spot?

Alicia – Yes. My parents were there and all six of my little sisters.

Clay – He knew you wouldn’t say no in front of them.

Alicia – Yes. It was bad timing or something that Tom showed up.

Clay – What a bastard. When did you break the news to Jerod that you didn’t want to marry him?

Alicia – After the show.

Clay – Why didn’t you try and catch Tom before he left New York?

Alicia – I couldn’t get away from my show and after the show I had to deal with Jerod. Then I had to deal with my parents, who like Jerod more than they ever liked Tom.

Clay – Would you have broken it off with Jerod if Tom wouldn’t have showed up?

Alicia – I don’t know.

Clay – Tom showing up reminded you how you felt about him though? It ignited old feelings?

Alicia – Yes. I love him. I miss him. I need to find him so I can tell him everything. I knew the minute I first looked into his eyes that first night that I would spend the rest of my life with him. I never should have run away.

Clay – What if he doesn’t want you back? What if he feels he can’t trust you? What if you hurt him that much?

Alicia – I’ll take that risk. I have to find him so I can try to explain myself.

Clay – I don’t know, Alicia.

Alicia – Please, Clay. Help me.

Clay – What if I say no?

Alicia – Then I’ll fly to Europe and do the same thing he did and try to find him without your help, but if I do that and I find him and he listens to me and he gives me another chance and it works, you might not get an invitation to the wedding or get to be Godfather of our children.

Clay – Okay. I’m going to help you and hopefully it will help him too, but he could still be hurt so bad that he won’t give you the time of day.

Alicia – Thank you.

Clay – Don’t say that yet.

Alicia – I have to try.

Clay – I understand.

Alicia – Good. Thank you.

Clay – You’re welcome. Umm…The last e-mail I got from him was this. I have no idea where it is, but he says he will be there for two weeks and I got the e-mail three days ago.

Alicia – I know where that is.

Clay – What? Really?

Alicia – Yep. It’s in Bruges.

Clay – Where the hell is Bruges?

Alicia – It’s in Belgium.

Clay – How do you know that?

Alicia – It’s a movie.

Clay – What’s it called?

Alicia – “In Bruges.”

Clay – Okay. Let’s assume he sent this e-mail and picture the day he got there. You have eleven days to get there and find him. Can you afford a last minute plane ticket to Bruges and get there in time?

Alicia – I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. He’s worth every penny.

Clay – Oh yea?

Alicia – Yep.

Clay – Well, I think we should go get something to eat and have a couple of drinks and then come back here and get you a flight booked.

Alicia – That sounds good. Where are we going to eat?

Clay – How’s about Tucci’s?

Alicia – Sounds great.

Clay – Cool. Let’s go then. I hope this works, by the way. You two look good together.

Alicia – Thanks. I do to and I think it will.

Clay – Don’t get ahead of yourself.

Alicia – I’m just being optimistic.

Clay – Ha. I’m hungry, let’s get some pasta.

Sushi, Saki and Sex

Sushi, Sake and Sex

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

I don’t know who first said, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans,” but I want to shake their hand.  My life has been one long chain of unexpected experiences, when I was planning other things.   Like, August 2003 in Las Vegas.

It was supposed to be an easy, fun little trip for three days. One wedding and two days of boozing and gambling and whatever other trouble I could get into. That was the plan.

I was late getting to The Plaza.  Everybody else had been arriving all day and I was the last.  I got checked in and then headed over to Fremont to find the rest of the gang.  They said they would be at Fitzgerald’s.  As I was walking down Fremont, I noticed a large group headed towards The Plaza and recognized a couple of them as members of the group I was looking for.

I shout, they shout and then we all meet in the middle and do a little dance of hugs and handshakes and “good to see you” and “it’s been a long time” and this is so and so. The minute I saw her, the rest of the world went on mute and what did come thru the mute, was in Russian or some other language I can’t speak or understand.

Her name was “Lauren” and I was deeply in lust for her. Not love, but lust. Love comes later.  That first glimpse was lust.  The feel of her hand in mind when we did the obligatory “nice to meet you” handshake.  I didn’t want to let go of her hand. It was soo smooth and warm.  The way her hair fell down over her forehead just barely obscuring her right eye and her eyes, her brown eyes and reddish, pink lips.  You can tell I was in lust, right?

This was not what I was expecting.  This was not part of the plan.  I had a serious issue now.

Before I even realized what was happening, we were all headed to our rooms to change clothes and go grab a bite to eat.  Surprise, surprise, surprise!  Lauren and I had adjourning rooms.  My mind began to race with all the possibilities of this little lucky break.

Like a stalker twacked out on meth, I went to the doors that connects our rooms and started listening to see what she was talking about with the two girls she was sharing her room with and see if they played any music, anything that I could use as a way to start a conversation later.  I should mention at this time that I was one of the only ones in our group who wasn’t sharing a room, another thing that I took as a lucky break.  I think I spent the entire time that we had to get ready listening at the door, which was almost an hour.

I some how managed to multi-task and change clothes myself while eavesdropping.  I did not get any trinkets of knowledge, despite all the straining I did to try and hear thru the door.

Just as I was about to leave my room and go meet up with the rest of them in the lobby, I realized how I was acting.  I realized what I was doing and put my cigarette out on my arm to snap me out of it.  I’m kidding.  I didn’t do that, but I did think about it and that was enough to bring me a little closer to reality and calm me down a little.

When I stepped out of the elevator in the lobby I was accosted by all manner of cruel jokes and jabbing for once again being the last to arrive and holding things up, which I should point out at this time that I am usually the one waiting on everybody else.  Another sign of just how out of kilter I was because of this girl, and I should not be calling her a girl, she was and is a woman.

Bo and Jamie, the ones getting married, had arranged for a Party Barge to drive us around.  The ride to wherever we went for dinner that night was completely lost and un-remarkable.  I can’t remember a single thing that was said on that ride.  I know I had a conversation with some dude named Jake about solving the world’s problems and how easy it would be if governments did this and if they did that, but I was also trying to pay attention to the conversation going on between Lauren and her room mates and a couple of other people.  They were talking Art and specifically about Sculptures.  Lauren was apparently an artist and a pretty good one from what I could gather from the conversation.

I skipped something in here and I’m sorry.  When I stepped out of the elevator, the first thing I did was look for Lauren and see what she was wearing.  She was surprisingly, at the time, under-dressed compared to some of the people in our group, I also felt under-dressed.  What really struck me were the tattoos.  She had 7 stars tattooed across her collarbones and “Kafkaesque” down her left forearm and it was all bright, color bomb, graffiti style.  It was an “in.”  I have tattoos and that was going to be the icebreaker.

Back to the Party Barge and me still eavesdropping and trying to have one conversation while listening to another one that I would like to be a part of more.  I was just about to make my move when we arrived at our destination for dinner, so I just planned on striking up the conversation at dinner.

Once again, for the fourth time on this little trip, a plan fell apart.  When we were all finally seated I realized that Lauren and I were sitting at completely opposite ends of the table and the only way I was going to be talking to her was if I yelled.  I was able to restrain myself from pursuing this course of action even though I was desperate to talk to her.

Dinner was some bland fish dish that I paid way too much for, but it was quick and soon we were all shuffled back on board the Party Barge and taking to one of the casinos and dumped off for some more gambling.

Finally, my chance arrived and I was not going to miss it.

When we got to the casino, we split up into groups.  Some people wanted to play poker, some Blackjack, some just wanted to hit the slots.  Lauren just wanted to hit the slots, so I joined that group.  I should tell you that I hate casinos and gambling in general, unless it’s on football, I had agreed to this trip more for the booze and food than the gambling.

Our little group headed for the some slot machines and I took one next to Lauren.  The first words out of her mouth were “I wondered how long it would take you to talk to me.”  I had a whole list of things that I had planned on saying and what her responses would be.  The fifth time a plan went haywire and I’m speechless for about 2.3 seconds.  Then I tell her that I’ve been trying to, but it just hasn’t worked out.  She says, “I saw you on the bus trying to cut into our conversation and get out of the one you were having with that Douchebag.”  I say I was trying to cut in and I wanted to ask her about her tattoos.  She looks at me and asks, “Is that really what you want to ask me about?”  I tell her that it really is and that a conversation about tattoos could lead to anything.  She says “Okay,” and proceeds to tell me about her tattoos.

I don’t know how long we were talking, we were in a casino and there aren’t any clocks on the walls and there aren’t any windows, but it was dark when we walked in and it was day when we walked out.  Apparently the others had come by at different times to say “Goodnight,” and head back to The Plaza to sleep.

When we got to The Plaza, I some how managed to talk her into sleeping in my room so we could sleep in when everybody else started getting up.  This was not the first time and won’t be the last time that I shared or share my bed with a woman I want to see naked, but that is exactly what happened.

Waking up next to her was a three fold Utopian dream.  I woke up and just watched her sleep and as I did this, I realized that in about a 24-hour period, my lust had changed.  I no longer just lusted for her body, but I also lusted for her mind and her soul and every little breath and gesture.  I was falling in love.  Could this be true?  Had I been completely hi-jacked and sideswiped by this beauty?

You don’t need to be a Rocket Scientist to figure out how quickly word spread that Lauren and I had spent the night together.  The next day was almost unbearable with all the questions and poking and prodding.

Trying to play golf while being asked about every 3.4 seconds if you got some last night makes for a bad game of golf.  I don’t think it makes it very hard to try on clothes, but I don’t know.  It could make it hard to zip something up if people keep asking you how big it was.

After the days adventures in male and female bonding, we were all supposed to go out for dinner again and then separate again for a sort of Bachelor and Bachelorette party.

That night we had Sushi and Lauren and I managed to sit close enough that we could be involved in each other’s conversations with others.   Unfortunately, about half way thru the dinner things start to get fuzzy.  There were copious amounts of Sake being poured.

After dinner we separated into “Guys” and “Girls” and went our separate ways.  I don’t really remember going to a strip club, but I have receipt that says I was there.

I do remember texting Lauren and I do remember cutting out on the Bachelor Party early to go meet up with her.  I also remember doing things I didn’t even know there were names for and if there are names for it then they are bad names and shouldn’t be printed.

Waking up on the wedding day, alone, was a shock.  From half way thru the dinner to walking into the hotel room was a blur.  Everything that happened after I got to the hotel room was a bright, vivid memory.  I remember falling asleep next to her.  I don’t remember her leaving though.

I got up and started getting ready for the wedding and met up with the rest of the group, minus the Groom and Groomsmen and the Bride and Bridesmaids.  Since Lauren was a Bridesmaid, I just figured I would see her at the wedding.

The wedding was beautiful, I guess, and short, thank God.

At the reception, I walked up to Lauren and was greeted almost the same way as the first night I met her, with a handshake and a hug and then a quick pose for a picture.  It wasn’t until the reception was almost over that I finally got her alone to say anything.

This will be the sixth time that I had a plan and it fell apart.  Once again, she beat me to the punch by saying that she had fun and hoped we would keep in touch and that she would never forget the Sushi, Sake and Sex.

I was pretty well dumbfounded by that and didn’t really say much and then we parted ways.  I went back to my job in LA and she went back to her life in Oklahoma City.

We still talk to each other to this day and have helped each other thru some tough times, even though there is 1500 miles between us.  I have not had another experience like that and I hope I don’t, but maybe you will and it will work out a little better for you.  You’ll get to keep the one who you find.