Untitled #7

Untitled #7

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

Tonight, I drink to my youth

The youth that is fading

I hold to this because it’s true

I see it in the mirror

My bright and vibrant life is turning grey

I’m holding onto things I had as a boy

Trying to keep my heart beating

Holding to that thought of love that I had as a boy

Love is hard when you’re grey

My chances now are like a blizzard in L.A.

I wonder when I’m alone if you put a spell on me

A spell that has kept me from finding the love I’ve wanted since I was a boy

The love that is real compared to what we had

This hurt let’s me know I’m alive

I guess that makes it a good hurt

The love I wanted as a boy would have kept me above the bad things

If you have heart then love me

Without the love I wanted as a boy I won’t survive

I’ve been abused

I don’t deny the accusations as long as you have proof

I’ll stand naked before you to prove my innocence

Watching for you to surface your yellow submarine

Waiting for you to show me the truth

Thinking it might be the love I wanted as a boy

Thinking that if you said jump I might ask you how high

Thinking I might walk to the end of the line and back for you,

But only if you can show me the truth

Show me the truth about what I wanted as a boy

Tell me you really love me

Don’t get mad if I use my words and they aren’t enough

Don’t get mad if I try and write it down and it reads all wrong

The love I wanted as a boy won’t wash away like footsteps in the sand

I’ll put my bedroll on the high shelf in the closet

That’s a sign you can’t ignore

It says more than words in the air or in black and white

I watch the grey washing over the boy in the mirror

It has my head unraveling

I’ve lost control of it

I don’t know where it goes sometimes

This heart is no good without the love I wanted as a boy

I think you’re the only one who understands

I’ll go where you want to take me

You might have to drag me,

But you won’t have to shake me

Give me the love I wanted as a boy

I’ll try and turn the Sun off for you

I’ll try and pull the stars from the sky for you

Without love I might die

I want you

Don’t make it hard to see the truth

Without the love I wanted as a boy everything will fall apart

Our blood becomes one

You make me warm inside

You take away the fear inside my soul

Not much is left of me as the grey washes over

Not much of the boy I was in my youth

I wait for you to take me with you

Without you I might just fall apart

It’s becoming less fun to pick up the pieces of these morning breakdowns

Breathing smoke into these black lungs

The rest of me is grey

Sitting in your car and staring at the Sun

If I can’t turn it off then I’ll use it to turn off my eyes

Without the love I wanted as a boy I won’t need them

I’m not that old

I’m not that young

In the middle of life

Holding onto the love I wanted as a boy

Chasing you around and thinking that you have it

I need it more than I can stand

Hoping you won’t promise me forever and then take it away

Give me a kiss or lose me forever

I’ll hide in the snow and die alone

I’ll take everything with me

All those things I wanted as a boy

I won’t lose what I wanted as a boy

I wanted you as a boy