Waking up in jail is never a good thing.
It's made even worse when you realize you can only open one eye when you wake up.
The problem grows even more when it feels like a half dozen people did "Core Day" at the gym and used your core.
Then, after about 20 minutes of slow moving and maneuvering, you are sitting up with your feet over the edge of the cot and realize you're on the top bunk, the sadness really kicks in.
Luckily, a couple of my friends took the same ride I did and were there to help me off the top bunk.
How we got here is still a bit of a mystery though.
Apparently it all started as a normal "Sunday Funday", one of my last before June and I move to The Keys.
A lot of my friends came out for the occasion.
It started at Crawpappy's for some Putt Putt and food. Ruth was fantastic, as usual.
Then we moved to Grumpy's and that is apparently when shit went sideways.
I had brought my boy Burn with us and he knows a few tricks. One of them is waiting to be told "Free" before he eats anything. Erin and Boston Dave provide food most Sundays. This was one of those Sundays. I snatch up a piece of Ham and put it in front of Burn. He's just chilling and looking at it and me.
Some Dickhead at the bar turns around and looks down, he sees Burn with a piece of Ham in front of him and reaches down and gives Burn the piece of Ham.
This infuriated me. Words were exchanged and a punch was thrown, which is why I can't open one eye.
It was broken up rather quickly and the guy and his friends leave.
Shortly after that, we decide it's time for us to leave as well and head over to Abby and Rogers.
I saw the truck coming just in time to try some drunken Matrix move which resulted in me splattered on the windshield like a bug. He couldn't see around me and slammed into a parked car.
This removed me from his windshield, but it also hurled me over the roof of the parked car and into the side of the next car.
That's the last thing I remember.
The story goes that Bobby and Roger snatched the guy out of his truck and I surprisingly was on my feet and pissed.
The cops were called before things got too out of hand.
Due largely to us being so cooperative with the cops, Bobby, Roger and I spent the night in jail.
The Elle and Jessica Doppelgänger's helped June, Abby and Vanessa bail us all out.
This whole "True Romance" thing isn't what I thought it would be.
