Asshole

Asshole

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

This is my apology

This is me saying that I’m sorry

Our time together was wild and crazy

I treated you like shit

From the beginning

I took advantage of you

I only told you that I love you

When I wanted something

Be it money or sex

And I didn’t need you for either of those

My parents have money

And I can get sex anytime I go to a bar

I would flirt with other people right in front of you

I didn’t care

I called you names

I compared you to my Ex all the time

I tried to micro-manage your life

I hit you

I could have helped around the house

Laundry

Trash

Dishes

Picking up around the house

I could have gotten a job

Any job

Even it was just enough

Just enough to buy my own cigarettes and gas

I could have been more supportive of your goals

Your goals as an artist

I could have told you that I love to hear you sing

I could have hung your paintings all over the house

And showed pride in every one of them

I should have shown more interest in your friends and family

I could have had goals of my own

A goal to be anything more than I am

Maybe I should have been more sensitive to you

To you and your feelings

Been more aware of how hard it was to be okay

To be okay with the amount time I spent with me Ex

Especially with the constant comparisons

And telling you to your face

That I didn’t see a future with you

But I did with them

I shouldn’t have called you all those names when I kicked you out

And moved my Ex in to replace you

It wasn’t the smartest thing to do

And I knew it

But I’m an asshole

I broke your heart

And you’ve still just tried to be nice to me

You’ve tried to be happy for me

With every attempt I’ve made at dating since you

And I hate you for it

I hate that you haven’t held it against me

It makes me feel worst

And then I snap at you again

And I push you around

I know the day will come

The day when you can’t hold it down anymore

That bitter pill you have been swallowing for all this time

You’re going to explode

You’ll say things that you probably don’t mean

And I’ll use that moment

As a way to support all the things I’ve said about you

Because I’m an asshole

I’ll tell all my friends to look and see

It’s just like I said

You’re just what I said you are

But I’m sorry

I truly am sorry

I am sorry that I’m an asshole

And I’ve been such an asshole to you

I will be happy for you

Happy that you found someone new

Someone better than me

I’ll eventually find someone new too

They will never be as good as you

I don’t think anyone will love me the way that you did

But you can do better than me

You deserve better than me

Me the asshole

So, happy hunting and good luck

I wish you the best

And I hope you don’t end up with another asshole

An asshole like me

Dancing

Dancing

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

I guess I should have went dancing thru the daisies

Doing the “Happy Dance”

Which kind of looks like the “PeePee Dance” when I do it

After we ended

That would have made the gossip true

The words I spoke

While looking into your brown eyes

That was the truth

I love you

I don’t want to leave you

I want to work things out

The weight of the world on your shoulders

You’re in a position you’ve never been in

Trying to be something you’ve never had to be

And you don’t know how to handle it

Looking for advice from people who’ve never been there either

And are completely biased

Because of their connection to the problem

An impulse decision that isn’t thought through

Because of faith in God’s Plan

I tell you “good luck”

I tell you “it makes sense”

I tell you “I’m not mad at you”

I tell you to go with God

Those words I spoke

While looking in your brown eyes

Standing in the mist

That was the truth

Highs and lows of love and hate

Instead of walking on sunshine

Happy to be in the “Friend Zone”

I’m walking on eggshells

Never knowing when you might snap

Because everything I say or do

Gets twisted around to mean something else

By people who never liked me

Genuine interest in people gets turned into stalking

Constantly distracted by memories and dreams

Trying to figure out why we can’t be friends

I guess I should just go dancing thru the daisies

Napalm

Napalm

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

Two endings create a new beginning

A whirlwind romance

That only lasts a few months

And a happy home is born

The time to leave the nest arrives

A leap made with arms wide open

A landing made in praying hands

History repeats itself

Minus the happy home

Desperately grasping for the examples of youth

A childhood spent with two families

When will you see your own fire

And let it engulf the world like napalm

Delete and block and lists

Are used as tools to hide

Hiding from people who should practice what they preach

Can you turn the other cheek

And use what you’ve been taught since the cradle

Everyday is a new song

Yours has a beat that makes me want to dance

But the lyrics make me want to cry

So Many Words

So Many Words

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

I’m out of ideas

I’m running out of words

There are only so many words in the English language

That you can use to say I love you

And I’ve used them all

Ek is lief vir jou

I’m running out of ideas

There are only so many things I can do

Things that show you I love you

Unë të dua

I claimed you as mine in front of the world

أحبك، لقد وقعت في حبك، لدي عاطفة قوية تجاهك، أنا لك

I told you that I love

And I still do

Я цябе кахаю

I put my dreams on hold

Trying to pull more of my weight

T'estimo

I liked it

So I put a ring on it

我爱你

I’m out of ideas

I’m running out of things to buy you

I only have so much money

And I spent it all on you

Volim te

I took you on birthday weekend getaways

To see you favorite bands

And to see new towns

Miluji tě

I bought you clothes

Jeg elsker dig

I bought you movies

Ik houd u

I bought you music

Ma armastan sind

I bought you flowers

And jewelry

Mahal kita

I couldn’t buy you a new house

I couldn’t buy you a new car

Not just yet

Rakastan teille

That day would come

Just be patient

Je Vous aime

I’ve done everything I can to say I love you

Eu te amo

I’ve done everything I can to show you that I love you

Ich Liebe Sie

I’ll keep trying

Because I love you

σ' αγαπώ

Mwen renmen ou

Ina ƙaunar ka

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