Concrete

Concrete

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

Gasping for breath

Struggling to maintain my footing

This black wave has washed over me

Pulling me from where I want to be

Trying to keep my head above water

Treading water in these shoes made of concrete

I try to keep my eyes open

Keep the shoreline in sight

The salt of the sea is seeping in

Makes me blind

The fist sized hole in my chest

Has me filling up with black water

I’m going under

I feel your fingertips against mine

How did you find me

Was it the trail of breadcrumbs

Or a woman’s intuition

Are you just a good Samaritan

Or my guardian angel

Trying to plug the leak in my chest

But I’m bleeding out in this boat we are in

The fog is too thick

And the seas are to rough

We’re getting lost in this man made dead sea

Keeping me alive and rowing for the shore

Is taking it’s toll

Sending out an SOS

Save yourself and lose the dead weight

Is the advice from the Coast Guard

Sacrifice my life to save your own

Can you live with the guilt

When the fog is starting to clear

The seas are starting to calm

The blood is starting to clot

We’re so close to the shore

We’re almost there

We’re almost there

We’re almost there

Untitled #3

Untitled #3

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

I’ve been so lost

Since the last time I saw you

What a way to separate

Not what I had in mind

Not what I wanted

I’m looking for a key

A key to unlock a door

A door that I can’t find

That’ll let me back into your heart

The sight is a sad one

When you look thru my windows

To see the daily routine of my soul

In a world with no light

Where everything goes wrong

I’m looking for the key

The key to unlock the door

The door I can’t find

That will let me back into your heart

Making the best of these grey skies

With someone new

Has me exhausted

And my friends are starting to notice

I’m looking for a key

A key that unlocks a door

A door that I can’t find

That’ll let me back into your heart

Trying to move forward

Is like walking barefoot

Over broken picture frames

And the memories of us that are on fire

But hoping that this path I’m on

Will lead me to the key

And the door that opens to your heart

Which is the home I want to be in

I’m looking for the key

The key to unlock the door

The door I can’t find

That will let me back into your heart

Swingers in Leather

Swingers in Leather

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

Swingers in leather

Named Paul and Heather

You met them at the bar

Waiting for me to get off work

A quick change in the car

Then I make the scene

Feeling underdressed

And a little unclean

Compared to your new pals

They know some guys and gals

That are just down the street

And one of the guys

They want you to meet

This will be fun

Is one of the lies

That I was told

As we made the short trip

What you did was bold

While a drank my free beer

Trying to maintain a grip

Sitting in the rear

Of this dark

And smoke filled room

You were into his action

And my words

They had no traction

When I tried to join the talks

Circling in this tomb

It’s last call

Time to go

I don’t allow

My tears to fall

And it’s a good thing to

Because when we got home

I gave you the bone

And laughed at the nights events

That old fella

Went home alone

And those swingers in leather

Tried to break us apart

But it was an epic fail

You are my heart

And I am yours

If that wasn’t true

This little tale

Would have ended

On a different note

An Appalling Act

An Appalling Act

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

I’ve heard it said

That there is a choice giving to many men

To be a slave in heaven

Or a star in hell

And on a good day

Hell can look a lot like wherever you are

Like this house I’m in

Full of friends and strangers

I shouldn’t feel alone

But that feeling is creeping up my spine

Because my love is being ignored

13 hours before

It was a kiss goodbye

A little love pat on the ass

Have a good day at work, baby

Now, I don’t exist

I’ve been replaced by a few more tattoos

Wearing black skinny jeans

Am I being punished

For some unknown act or word

That somehow offended you

I couldn’t get off work

So I joined the festivities late

Now, the spot on the floor next to me

That I cleared for you

Remains empty

While you step into the smoke hole

With your new toy

The spot for you remains empty when you return

Because you choose to squeeze in by your smoking buddy

The night draws to an end

I blame an overconsumption of party favors

For your appalling act

And struggle to forget it

As I lay next to you

Wondering where and when

This might happen again

We’ll have to wait and see

Wait and see if I’m a star or a slave

Wait and see if you are heaven or hell

Wait and see

Beautifully Dark Sadness

Beautifully Dark Sadness

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

This is it

I can see the floor

The floor of this nightly downward spiral

I’ve been there so many times

So many nights over the past years

Now my tears have worn a hole thru it

My face and body have rubbed out a spot

From all the tossing and turning

From dreams that become nightmares

And nightmares that become dreams

The spot in the floor

It fits my shape

And makes it very comfortable

Almost like home

It’s become too comfortable

This beautifully dark sadness

Is a good description of my current state

Double vision is the only thing keeping me from dialing a number

A number that belongs to someone who hates me

Someone I’m not good enough to marry

Someone I’m not good enough to have children with

Someone I’m not good enough to be friends with

I’m not even good enough to lick dog shit off their boot heel

Are the feelings for each other real

And we’re just unwilling to wait for the gap between us to close

Or are our wants unknown

Until the next bright shiny new smile

The bright shiny new smile that spits a few compliments

Sometimes you give someone your heart

And they give you theirs

Sometimes you give more than they do

And become a glutton for punishment

Unable to break free for the rest of your life

All because of love

The dirtiest and heaviest of all four-letter words

Regardless of what language you speak

Someday someone will tally up the cost of that little illusion

I Remember

I Remember

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

I remember

Know nasty coons

Singing about how they could use somebody

Somebody like you

But you were too busy

Selling ice to an Eskimo

That’s what I remember

I don’t want to ever forget

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

Hopes and dreams of the naïve

The ice melted and the weather got warm

There was no more stella by starlight

Cherry sunshine was gone

Pushed down a hill in a chair

Pushed down by you and me

That’s what I remember

I don’t want to forget

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

Hopes and dreams of the naïve

Then it was proclamations of love

With no shirt and no shoes

Cupcake wars while wearing ugly sweaters

A big move to get a better view of the stars

An opportunity to see them year round

Regardless of the light

That’s what I remember

I don’t want to ever forget

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

Hopes and dreams of the naïve

Appalling acts in a room full of scary faces

Stroking a silver fox to cage his free drinks

A random hero turns into an old neighbor

Hide and seek in the new mansion

The iPhone love hits the scene

Bringing with it a too brief conversation

That’s what I remember

I don’t want to forget

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

Hopes and dreams of the naïve

A visit to Pope Curmudgeon to ask for his blessings

A blessing is giving despite the lack of religious fervor

After an hour of power

And a 3 mile walk on rubber legs

That’s what I remember

I don’t want to ever forget

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

Hopes and dreams of the naïve

A .45 caliber full auto roadtrip

Overflowing with first shoots

Moonshine and beer shared with another displaced Yankee

A drive home made a little too warm

Because of a lack of air conditioning

That’s what I remember

I don’t want to forget

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

Hopes and dreams of the naïve

Pirates in Wonderland to make an official commitment

A commitment wrapped in silver

And adorned with yellow stones

A celebration in another state

That doesn’t fit the budget

But is worth every penny

Thanks to blood on the stage

And a stairway to heaven

And a dirty tennis ball

That’s what I remember

I don’t want to ever forget

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

Hopes and dreams of the naïve

Suddenly and without warning

It’s fingertips in the cracks of our foundation

Cracks the size of the Grand Canyon

Desperate kisses and resolutions for the New Year

A brief high point

Followed by the lowest of the low

Because a douche bag says what

That’s what I remember

I don’t want to forget

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

Hopes and dreams of the naïve

A two car train on a roller coaster track

That aren’t connected

And are taking different routes

But naïve hopes and dreams

Has them ending in the same station

Naïve hopes and dreams that 1,000 days can mark a new chapter

Where words are not weapons that you murder me with

I am not scared and I will not turn away

Because I remember the good, the bad and the ugly

I don’t want to ever forget

The sweet ups and downs

And the lessons to be learned from them

I can’t forget the hopes and dreams

That came from my crush on you

I don’t mind being naïve

For hanging on to these hopes and dreams

Because we can do anything, baby

We just have to turn the page