Humpday

It's "Humpday" and I hope it lived up to its name for you.

Mine was the typical roller coaster at work, which I've mentioned before. Then I went to Crawpappy's to grab a bite to eat.

At this point things got a little sideways and not in the "I walked 3 clicks through an Ostrich farm naked" sort of sideways.

I'm sitting on the patio to avoid the crowd and I see a young couple pull in and as they're walking across the parking lot I'm thinking that the woman is dressed a little to provocative for 6:30 on a Wednesday. As she gets closer I start noticing tattoos.

As luck would have it, the young couple joined me on the patio and it's just the three of us.

Up close and personal, this woman looks super familiar. I know her, but can't place the how I know her.

Boyfriend/date gets up to go to the bathroom and she asks if I mind if she smokes. I pull out my cigarettes and tell her I don't mind if she does as long as she doesn't mind if I do.

We begin to chit chat and boyfriend/date comes back from the bathroom.

Introductions are in order. His name is Dave and he's a nurse. Head Nurse, he emphasized later.

Her name was Anya and as we're chit chatting it is discovered that she is a recently unemployed dancer. It also comes up that she remembers me coming into her place of business and buying a pretty substantial number of lap dances from her.

The awkwardness gets better.

Dave is starting to get jealous. She's only talked to me since he went to the bathroom and she's started ordering me drinks and putting them on her tab, which is his tab.

He starts complaining that they will be late for his cousins graduation and she keeps telling him they won't. The whole time her and I are playing "21 Questions" while he sips his beer and sulks.

Quite suddenly her disposition changes as she tells me that she gave me her number and her real name back in the day when she was trying to give me Pink Eye.

It's amazing how quick the mood can change at a party and she apparently really liked me and is pissed I just dismissed her advances.

I'll fast forward to the end, I just got my ass kicked by a male nurse and a stripper. Do you know what that's like? No, because I'm the only person in history who has had their ass kicked by a male nurse and a stripper.

I think there's a moral to this story, but I'll be damned if I can find it.

All I know is the sun hasn't set yet, but I've already been in the back of an ambulance while wearing handcuffs, which is a lot of fun.

I hope your "Humpday" was better than mine.

Until next week. My name is Frank and I must good you bid evening...