Thursday, October 3, 2013

Counting The Days

Counting The Days

By
Nathan Caleb Camerer



1,608 days since the first time I tasted your kiss
9-9 9:40 AM and the sound of my alarm clock takes me back
Getting up at 6:00AM
Walking in the cold to the ATM
Trying to beat the bank to my own money because I’m overdrawn again
Trying not to wake you up as I crawl back in bed,
But trying to pull you close to me
Craving the warmth of your body
Loving the way you mold yourself to fit mine
1,607 days since the first time I saw you walk away
The early morning light playing tricks with your eye color
The gentle swish of your hair in the air as you turned away
Giggling like children
9-9 10:40 AM and a picture takes me back
Flood gates open
Drowning in memories
Memories of a time when all I wanted was patience and time
Patience and time for me to be the man you wanted
Patience and time for my feelings to catch up to yours
Everyday was an adventure
Everyday was too short
1,606 days since the second taste of your lips
When you sleep, do you dream?
When you dream, do you dream of me?
I can’t believe you picked me
9-9 12:54 PM Blocking out thoughts of you.
I’m losing my head
My pride is burning
My brain is bleeding
You hate me today
You’ll hate me tomorrow
You hate me in ways hard to swallow
Smoking cigarettes and burning words
Words that grab my attention
Words that I wonder if I could say to you
Words that I wonder if you could say to me
1,605 days since you said those words to me
Words about me being the only one for you
Feeling like we have a connection
Talking about all the things we have in common
9-9 2:14 PM and you can sell your soul but you can’t buy it back
A life spent working to give you everything
I wish you were here
I wish we could walk and talk in the soft rain
Nothing left but a picture in a frame
Can I trade my sympathy for sorrow?
Can I have you to my own?
I wish for everything I see
Remember when your kisses were for me?
So many wasted days
The past is hard to get out from under
Words I wish I could say
The future crashes like thunder and rattles my bones
It makes me weak
Looking for a job in the rain
Déjà vu
I’ve done this before
Looking for something that would make you proud of me
1,597 days since the first time I missed your perfume on my pillow
9-9 2:48 PM and I want you to tell me that you want me
Just want me
If I was a winner, I’d cut the cards and deal us a winning hand
Buy a big house that we could disappear in
Trying to find words that say what I’m feeling
1,587 days since I heard you say you can’t let go of me
9-9 6:08 PM with a bottle of Smoking Loon Cabernet under one arm,
A six pack of Newcastle under the other
You’ll be so happy with my choices,
But the reality is you’re gone
Still picking, buying things you would like
1,586 days since it was worth every penny for the first time
9-9 7:25 PM and talking about that constant thorn in our side called “finances”
An issue for ending things but not the only issue
1,574 days since first talks of passion
Talks of desire
Discussing the future
Making plans
The sweet sound of laughter
9-9 8:07 PM and it’s the gazillionth time I’ve told the story of us
My mind won’t shut down
I can’t stop thinking
So many woulda, shoulda, coulda’s
So many what if’s
1,561 days since the first time I missed you next to me in my bed
Missing you
So much change in such a short time
9-9 8:22 PM and I’m watching your world from afar
Trying to be where you are
Secretly falling apart
Unseen
You’re strange and you’re beautiful
You could be so perfect with me, but you can’t see
You turn every head in the room, but you don’t see me
I’ll put a spell on you
You’ll fall asleep and when you wake up, I’ll be the first thing you see
You’ll realize that you love me
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes first
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes
Waiting is all you can do
Sitting in a backyard
Playing with another’s 4 legged kid
Talking to another
Memories of another yard
Memories of another patio
Memories of Halloween
1,609 days since the first taste

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