Failure

What a skeletal wreck of a man I am today

Useless

Weak and powerless

Knowing my words have failed me

I love you in a way

Even though I’ve never held your hand

I’ve never felt your heartbeat against mine

You have a look on your face that I hoped to never see

I hoped I would never cause

I have done it though

I don’t like it

I did a deep dive down the rabbit hole of you

More of a swan dive

You’re everything I ever wanted

I love you in a way

Even though I’ve never held your hand

I’ve never felt your heartbeat next to mine

You make me feel something I’ve never felt

Today it’s regret that I’m feeling

It’s not just regret from my words coming out wrong

It’s regret that I didn’t meet you sooner in life

More time to do things with you

More sunrises

More sunsets 

More walks in parks where the grass is shady

I don’t know what to do about you

I love you in a way

Even though I’ve never held your hand

I’ve never felt your heartbeat next to mine

Forty eight is a big number

It’s a long road trip

I want to add to it though so we can drive coast to coast

I would be happy if I could just hold your hand

I’m happy just looking at you

But my words failed me

I’m sorry for that

I never meant to hurt your feelings

Forgiveness is what I seek today

Your smile is what I seek today

Your touch is what I seek today

I love you in a way

Even though I’ve never held your hand

I’ve never felt your heartbeat next to mine

I fear I never will

Because my words failed me