Asshole

Asshole

By

Nathan Caleb Camerer

This is my apology

This is me saying that I’m sorry

Our time together was wild and crazy

I treated you like shit

From the beginning

I took advantage of you

I only told you that I love you

When I wanted something

Be it money or sex

And I didn’t need you for either of those

My parents have money

And I can get sex anytime I go to a bar

I would flirt with other people right in front of you

I didn’t care

I called you names

I compared you to my Ex all the time

I tried to micro-manage your life

I hit you

I could have helped around the house

Laundry

Trash

Dishes

Picking up around the house

I could have gotten a job

Any job

Even it was just enough

Just enough to buy my own cigarettes and gas

I could have been more supportive of your goals

Your goals as an artist

I could have told you that I love to hear you sing

I could have hung your paintings all over the house

And showed pride in every one of them

I should have shown more interest in your friends and family

I could have had goals of my own

A goal to be anything more than I am

Maybe I should have been more sensitive to you

To you and your feelings

Been more aware of how hard it was to be okay

To be okay with the amount time I spent with me Ex

Especially with the constant comparisons

And telling you to your face

That I didn’t see a future with you

But I did with them

I shouldn’t have called you all those names when I kicked you out

And moved my Ex in to replace you

It wasn’t the smartest thing to do

And I knew it

But I’m an asshole

I broke your heart

And you’ve still just tried to be nice to me

You’ve tried to be happy for me

With every attempt I’ve made at dating since you

And I hate you for it

I hate that you haven’t held it against me

It makes me feel worst

And then I snap at you again

And I push you around

I know the day will come

The day when you can’t hold it down anymore

That bitter pill you have been swallowing for all this time

You’re going to explode

You’ll say things that you probably don’t mean

And I’ll use that moment

As a way to support all the things I’ve said about you

Because I’m an asshole

I’ll tell all my friends to look and see

It’s just like I said

You’re just what I said you are

But I’m sorry

I truly am sorry

I am sorry that I’m an asshole

And I’ve been such an asshole to you

I will be happy for you

Happy that you found someone new

Someone better than me

I’ll eventually find someone new too

They will never be as good as you

I don’t think anyone will love me the way that you did

But you can do better than me

You deserve better than me

Me the asshole

So, happy hunting and good luck

I wish you the best

And I hope you don’t end up with another asshole

An asshole like me